SO brittany shes so nice and i really like her and people are so mean to her and it really bugs me casue they have no reason and gosh why? shes so sweet i really like her and i hope she likes me.

daddy put up the lights yesterday and all the candles around the house. EEE so exited christmas! we were listening to our usual christmas music and it was so cool and the fire and the giants were losing and it was great!

CLAUSE FEST Was really good not as good as green day but it was still good and yeah :)

so im thinking about christmas presents yeahhh i think im gonna make a bunch of plastic canvas stuff for people and give that to them just girls though cause i made the list for people im gonna make stuff for and its too many people to do the boys too so maybe some other holiday ill just do boys :)

ok tonight i was thinking a lot a lot a lot a lot right? soooooooooo we made cards and sarah baked for robyn and it was fun and it was really nice of sarah to let us over and everyone made such cool stuff i hope she keeps my card...

riiiight so at matts tongiht i had fun i had emotional rollercoaster again cause i was really upset cause i hate hate hate hate hate movies with murder or killing or rape cause of my aunt cathy and thats another reason why i hate when kids are perverted cause they talk about rape and stuff and im sensitive to that

and i couple times in the movie scenes that happened i didnt want to watch so i looked away and christine seemed to get annoyed? and then i like fell to the ground and was like in between the couch and ottomin and matt and christine freaked and it wasnt like i was the only one talking or moving so were other people and they got mad at me and i felt bad and i just cried in the corner cause nobody stood up for me until sarah did later and i just thought of eleanor and how she would have stood up for me right away even though she had a huge crush on matt and she would have just been like you know what guys why dont you rewind the movie if you missed something chill cause thats jsut who she is and i miss that so goddamn much and it sucks

me sarah and christine had a couple conversations about laura. to me laura is frustrating because its just her personality to flirt... and its fun to flirt and its hard for her not to cause its just who she is right? but it hurts when she flirts with christines ex boyfriends or the guys christine maybe just got over right? that hurts and it hurts when she says she eggs the guys on when they are acting perverted and shes just like "OMG stop stop "in a playful way with a smile on her face as if shes dumb and doesnt know that the reaction she just gave them is the one they were looking for. and keith .. it makes me so mad and sad cause keith, poor keith. he was so good to laura and i know she didnt feel the same way about him and thats not her fault you dont have a say in who you have feelings for but she doesnt realize how lucky shes had it so many times with great guys that she just considers flings.. idk i guess you can say im sexually frustrated? nothing against laura sometimes you just cant help it and i know i havnt been very nice to her in the past but im beginning to like her more again and ive accepted that how she acts is really her personality and as sarah would say it people who do stuff like that are insecure, but who isnt insecure

really tell me... who isnt insecure? whether it be about how you look, your laugh, they size of your nose, or a personality trait. i dont know one person who is completely happy with themselves.

hahahahah yeah sexually frustrated as in im somewhat boy craaaaaaazy <3

ok so i was having a good day except my ear hurt again and

i was thinking about how cool technology is its so freaking amazing think about it right we started with a wheel and axel and weve just built up our civilizations and technology so much its just so mind boggiling and i wish that we wouldnt lose that cause nowadays kids are just focused on social things and stuff like that and that is impacted a lot by the media but nobody cares about ancient greece and what kind of contributions they had to todays technology and mind process it just is so amazing to me and i always think about stuff like that but never say it cause people always have odd reactions like "what?" "um whatever erin" and otherslike that so i dont ever bring it up but i know other people think about stuff like that too and i think about trees ...

just look at a tree that tree could be 50 yrs old for all you know it could have been the spot where someone had a first kiss OR where someone got a scrape trying to climb that tree, or someone caugh lime disease from a tick on the tree its just so crazy how much history ever peice of matter has

 next time you see a rock. look at it closely and think where has this rock been was it once an ancient bolder during the time of dinosaurs? could be who would have thought

so i was thinking about ben

ben schuetz that is..... and over the summer he lost his dad. and i was just thinking how different life would be without my dad and how horrible it would be... as much as my brother and i fight with my parents were still so lucky and im so scared cause my dad is so pained and hes always so grumpy and i wish i could make him happier but hes always so  grumpy except for like occasional times in the day and he works so hard and i hate how when peope judge you by your parents occupations and just cause my dad is a carpenter hes labeled a blue collar worker and they think of him as a plumber with his asscrack hanging out. no never my dad wears shoes that hes had since 1992 high white champion socks, a allendale tball shirt with holes in it and a really tight belt to keep his pants from falling down NO ASS CRACK THERE NO SIRRY and he just works so hard and gets up at 4:30 to do all the stuff he does and doesnt stop working till like 8 at night and hes also a coach and hes just there for me in sports not so much emotionally but he is there when i really need him and on holidays hes like "i know i dont say this enough but i really do love you" and its just so hard cause i see my cousin meg and her dad have such a great relationship and i wish i had that kind of relationship with my dad but i dont. i cant comlain im just so worried that im gonna get into a fight and just storm off like my brother did tonight and just leave and then my dad dies or something and its just hard

skifree191's away message  lookin in your big brown eyes

TED<3

whose eyes is he describing?

FATE thats what i call FATE

so i had a really good day... my ear hurts but besides that everything is going very well... my cousin meg is doing a paper on albinos and she picked that just to amuse me.. and if you were wondering it amused me greatly!! trisha is being really cool ever since we got in like that one arguement when i felt like she hated me but were good now and i have so much fun with her again and its awesome... ****annie dibella has been having a not so good month so i applaud her and give her lots of props for being one of the most optimistic people i know. and mary OH CRAP i have to make a shirt for robyn gAHH ok well OH SHIT i have to decorate ashlee burts locker CRAAAAAP ok i gtg soon this is a short entry

WOW sorry guys i just forgot about those too things and i have to do okane hw and oh shit ok bye! sorry for cursing!!

TURKEY DAY 2 DAYS!

( readddd mooorrrreee ;-) )

im gonna right a long journal entry that im gonna be a huge hypocrit about and ill prob contradict myself 8 times

im really upset today and yesterday for who knows why and its not pms as laura always keeps asking me "oh erin i bet its that time of the month" and im like no no its not why cant i be upset and just not be hyper for once and maybe one day not be happy and then its automatically pms or im depressed i just wasnt in the mood to be hyper last night i was so tired im always tired on a friday after a week of sports and school its long and tiresome to everyone

friday in health i walked over to matt g and they were taling about who he hangs out with to jess straus and this kid harry who were in his health group and he was like erin whose your group and i said i dont have one sure i have closer friends but i dont have one specific group im labeled to like the frutacious five or whatever cause i think thats stupid... all i ever wanted to be up until about 7th grade was popular i never had a "group" till 5th grade that didnt last very long and that was liz linds alex twins and me and that was great but then i realized thats what i always fought against when i was younger i could never seem to find a group of people who were willing to let me in there group so when i finally found one i was just another mean person who wouldnt let other people "in" our group and thats why im not in a group... groups just end up excluding people and i hate that cause thats the worst feeling of all the worst and im so sick of people getting mad at me for saying sorry or saying that im nice becasue if i was fucking nice why arent people nice back? why dont people give me equal respect that i give others im so sick of it i try so hard to keep my friends because i dont want to lose any of the friends i have now but they dont seem to try hard back not at all and i dont know how to react cause i still try i still want their friendship but i guess they dont i would much rather them say it to me its so much easier than me wasting my time and breathe or thought on someone

every morning ashleigh togher will ask me to do something fo rher or to go to the cafeteria with her and we always do what she wants to and i never back down cause if i dont do it she'll get whiny and upset so i just go with the flow and i get nothing in return

i told eleanor a package would come before thanksgiving and it wont and its so anoying cause i know if i moved away eleanor would have sent me 10 packages by now i know for a fact she would have i feel bad

and im always crying cause i miss 8th grade so much and i miss cav addie, amy, eleanor, scott, tim, steve, ron etc everyone and it sucks cause people are like arnt you over that yet? and im not i lost eleanor and addie two of my best friends addie being my first friend ever in allendale and shes not coming next weekend and scott came to school the other day and i saw him and i was crying in the bathroom first period its just so annoying i cant get over it i miss it so much i miss them so much and nobody else seems to miss anything i feel so alone and like i cant relate and its stupid cause people were like oh amy im gonna miss you oh addie im gonna miss you oh so and so oohhh im gonna miss senora hayyy yeah right nobody cares

i was talking to mike today, and yesterday, a lot lately. its nice, i like being closer with him. he told me that rachel (gf) wants to become bf with me haha and like take me shopping and have sleepovers stuff like that. its pretty cool actually :) im excited. so i walked by mike today and he was like erin come here and rachel and her friend lauryn and some other girl i forget her name were like erin! were taking you shopping and were gonna do your make up and were gonna have a big sleepover, and its gonna be so fun and stuff!" and yeah me and mike just had a finger war  like middle finger war. haha i won trish has taught me some great moves hahaha props to trish... SO ITCHAYYY and so im really excited to be close with my bro and i think mike and rachel are gonna be together for a while. they seem so happy and good for eachother you know? shes nice and hes like a good kid in terms of not smoking/drinking which is really surprising with my familys history for the males and hes good yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh <3 fun

SCHOOOL ahh science im doing bad like C+ bad and gahh im getting a B+ in math i think and math is so easy and im mad gahidfjoawesdkf cause math is so easyearjkqeoijfs and kdjsafoiqwejasf

cant touch this

peace